Thursday, November 6, 2014

Coming Back

High school is not quite what I expected.
What WAS expected: increased homework. Also, for the first time in, like, three years . . . I'm actually learning something NEW. Science is a big example, and also why it's probably now my favourite class. Before, it was all just projects and reports based on what we already knew . . . but now, I'm actually having to STUDY. It's weird and I feel like I'm out of practice, because I haven't had to technically study for tests for so long.

Oh, yeah - there are tests! Real tests! Not once-a-month checkups like I've grown used to, but once-every-two-weeks tests! I almost like it. You kind of miss the challenge - the . . . I don't know . . . requirement - when it's gone. If you bunched all the test-related-academic stuff from the past three years I bet you would have found a certain amount of uselessness.

I know that sounds like a load of peach fuzz - no tests would be like vacation, right? That's the reaction I got when I explained about the no-test thing to my out-of-school friends: "Oh, you're sooooo lucky!" Not. School is just so much more enjoyable when you're learning new stuff - well, when it comes to science anyway. When it's math and geography, you just take it with a roll of the eyes.

Aaanyways: what WASN'T expected was how NORMAL it feels. No social hierarchy, no cliques, and I got used to it after a few days. The homework feels normal. The rising number of people I know is normal. The extracurriculars are normal too. It's all falling into a routine now, sort of.

What also wasn't expected is the occasional PDA. For example, I see people holding hands a lot, and, yes, I have read about high school romance, but come on! Now that I'm a teenager - and I think I've given this lecture when I talked about my expectations - I realize just how young we actually are. This is no time for getting a romantic record. I cannot possibly VISUALIZE myself in that sort of position, even though I have imagined it countless times.

What was somewhat expected: there being a few people I can't exactly talk to - social blocks. They're popular, they talk to everybody . . . except me. Two of them, I think it's just natural . . . the third, I think she may be very well aware of how she talks to all my friends (or friends-to-be) but ignores me. Even when I try speaking with her. This particular person will be known as Shriek.

I heard from one of my friends that at one point, when things between me and Shriek got slightly awkward - when we were both sort of giving up at friendship attempts - she asked her what she thought of me, and after giving her opinion my friend asked, "Why? What do you think?"

And that's how I found out Shriek thinks I'm annoying.

It's so funny - we're in ideal positions not to like each other. Shriek is the mature, slightly chilly in demeanor, reserved type - you know, not someone who would declare a thumb war or run through sprinklers. I think she finds me over-enthusiastic, or childish, or both - or something. So see, I think she's too Popularese, and I suppose she thinks I'm annoying in the way that kids can be annoying.

It's always nice to hear someone's opinion - NOT an opinion that is "She's okay, I guess" which I feel like would apply to almost everyone else. Too wishy-washy. Blurred, not definite - always there, but not quite in the picture. An extra.

But the thing is, extras and wallflowers are good at watching. Watching the people, watching the stars of the show - and I hear that's something that could make me a better writer. Besides, I'm kind of used to it by now. Whether that's kind of sad, I don't know. But at least I'm not too involved in any soul-sucking social hierarchies.

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